pg 6 ) THE NEW HOUSE aka HTH is Michael part 2.

THE  NEW HOUSE 

(aka HTH is Michael anyway, part 2.)

What has happened since last November 2014?

I really don't know where to begin !

Well, you all know that we had  'the Mother of all winters' and we pretty much just hibernated in the house.  Most of the time, Mike was dealing with the massive blood clot in his right leg which was a by product of the cancer and/or the chemo. All of this time, he kept hoping that right leg would get better, but the nerve damage from his tumor finally won out and the condition worsened and finally progressed to footdrop a.k.a. dropfoot.  Dragging his right foot along the floor as he walked  was truly the lowest point for both of us. It seemed that any hope of true recovery for that leg was lost, and the impairment was a very hard blow.

So, Mike walks with a cane  now and is on round -the-clock pain management, and  his foot still swells and he wears a brace and  yadyadyda,... but the Dr. says he sees no signs that the cancer is currently 'active' or at least not aggressive. I suppose some people would just be happy with that, but the losses have added up.

I know they have taken a toll on ME  -  both physically and emotionally.  My knees have not appreciated  working double duty and I believe my physical therapist was a tad too aggressive and  may have torn my hip.  This is not a good thing, and there is no surgery available here in Springfield. It goes on the back burner with everything else that seems to be bubbling over. I have no time or energy to deal with this, but my hip keeps nagging me regardless.

So, over the past several months, I have been searching far and wide  for a solution to living in this big seven room house with several floors and these taunting stairs. I suppose the obvious one would be to sell and buy a condo. We thought about that long and hard, but in the end, my two dogs won out. After ten years, they have become a part of the family, and apparently they have  a vote in all of this! It would be another loss to have to re-home them and one we decide that we cannot put on them... or us.

We considered a mobile home, but there would be no room for the dogs, even if allowed. We need one level living, a yard that is not so huge, a lot less snow to shovel, a washer and dryer in the kitchen, a smallish yard for the dogs, and it all has to essentially be 'an even $wap' for our house. Oh, and the whole thing would have to be without  a realtor, because  we could not afford a commission fee . Tall order ? You bet!  ESPECIALLY with Michael fighting me all the way and insisting that he can still shovel this large property , as he drags his foot along, and that he doesn't want to move.  Thank goodness for my neighbors over last winter or we would have been snowed in!  The spirit is willing , but the flesh is weak.
So, I had my realtor sending me listings for months , and the internet became my second home. Did you know the market in Springfield has houses selling as fast as ONE DAY? I  know it's hard to believe , but houses are HOT right now and many sell in one day and for full price. It's crazy!  What has happened here while we weren't looking?
On the VERY day that I decided to stop looking since no house would meet our tall order in our price range, I went into the internet site and clicked  for the last time, and there it was !  Not only was  ' the right house' there, but it was the very first day on the market and  literally 30 seconds away from us !
I called the realtor right away, and we were the first ones to see the house. Michael gave no argument at all. He loved it. It was totally practical,  with one floor living, wide doorways for  a  wheelchair  ( just in case) a step in shower ( my hip would appreciate this !) a washer and dryer right in the kitchen and a 2 car garage so we could avoid so much storage DOWN those stairs into the cellar. Too good to be true ? Apparently , because the realtor said we could not even MAKE an offer without  a pre-approval letter from the bank.

Guess who was back to a "pony ride "?!

And guess what is NUMBER ONE  on the top 10 most stressful things list ? Sigh.

And it proved to be just that!

We went next door and asked our neighbors (a business) if they wanted to buy ( a business) since we had a  buildable lot, and knew it would be profitable for them. They agreed to buy and at the same price as the house we were buying!  Sounds simple, right ? Not so fast!  So up until the very day of the closing, we were on pines and needles as  'their bank' was still not giving the green light to close. It seemed impossible since they were corporate customers, but in the end, we had both closings simultaneously and din;t found out until that very morning that our buyer was coming to the closing table with cash !  Miracles really do happen all around us !

So here we were , ready to move in  and our new neighbors informed us that the gentleman who lived here many years ago  had been drafted to the Red Sox. No sooner did the young man, head for Boston than he was diagnosed with polio!  As a result, the whole house was later  modified to be handicap accessible  -  just what we needed, and it was literally 30 seconds from our house !
It's hard to believe , but one of the first pieces of mail we received at the new place was cards from the students at S. Michael's Academy!  that's right  - they are still sending cards... and with each one, a prayer.

 It's no wonder we found this house !

Moving is not an easy thing to do -  especially after 35 years of marriage and accumulation of ' stuff'. It is physically and emotionally exhausting, and  to be honest, neither Michael or I were up to it.

But with the help of some family and good friends and a hired mover, it was done. 


October 16, 2015.

Sigh.
=========================================

 It is not easy to settle in here and  I reminded myself at least 100 times before we moved that we would be carrying lots of baggage with us - this would not  be the clean slate/ fresh start that some couples have in downsizing. Indeed, this cancer and all of it's troubles were part and parcel of the whole package, but I still think soemwhere in the back of this head, I thought things would ease up.

My eleven year old dogs find the move a challenge as they  are now bordered by chain link instead of stockade   with dogs on all sides!  Oh, the neighbors have somethings to put up with  .

Speaking of neighbors, we have been immensely blessed! The lady on one side is someone Mike knows (her son was a former student ) and the people on the other side are just too good to be true!  All are retired, and the husband offered to do our shoveling the first week that we moved in ( we do not know these people!) The wife is a gem. 
How did we get so lucky in the midst of all of this ' bad luck'?  Silver linings ? I don't know what to call it, but throughout this entire experience,  the very people that you imagine would be up close and personal at a  time like this are  absent. Those who were on the perimeter of your life ( or those we hadn't yet met!) were there for you. It has been the biggest lesson in this whole story that I still refuse to call a journey !

Before we know it, it is Thanksgiving ( 2015) in the new house, and we have settled in. The dogs have adjusted ( though the neighbors wouldn't agree yet  LOL) the plumbing has been repaired, and I want to say all is right with the world, but I don't think that phrase will ever be owned by us again.

Suffice it to say, we are happy with the house.

I am sure some people would feel badly if they knew we gave our Christmas tree away and did not put one up this year, but trust me - it was quite intentional, and I am grateful for the fact we do not have to take one down! Besides, Mother Nature has been so kind to us, it hardly seems like Christmas anyway. 

Mike has his visit to the oncologist, and things are status quo.
 Maybe that's my new phrase. Things are status quo. Somehow, I think that's about as good as we can expect.

But it doesn't last.

Just before Christmas,  I notice Michael's foot is turned out to the right. I point it out, but he says he cannot turn it straight ! This is not  a good sign, but what is it ?  The doctor doesnt know so I request a home visit with a physical therapist. She says she thinks perhaps Mike's hip is disclocated, and it doesn't take much to realize that the tumor on his hip would be what was dispacing it.

Ugh and ugh.

What can be done ?
She says she can " try' Therapy, and I look at the wheelchair accessible doorways here and ask if she thinks P.T. would help him or hurt him and she answers " it's a 50/50 ." We pass .

It isn't long before I happen to notice a wound on Mike's foot . I want to ask, " What next?", but I know better !

 January 2016

I'm snagging this next piece from Smithsonian.com (at :
http://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/what-does-happy-new-year-even-really-mean-180953633/) , and it's pretty strange, but I can so relate to it now !

 

"When Albert Einstein’s good friend Michele Besso died in 1955, just a few weeks before Einstein’s own death, Einstein wrote a letter to Besso’s family in which he put forward a scientist’s consolation: “This is not important. For us who are convinced physicists, the distinction between past, present, and future is only an illusion, however persistent.”

The idea that time is an illusion is an old one, predating any Times Square ball drop or champagne celebrations. It reaches back to the days of Heraclitus and Parmenides, pre-Socratic thinkers who are staples of introductory philosophy courses. Heraclitus argued that the primary feature of the universe is that it is always changing. Parmenides, foreshadowing Einstein, countered by suggesting that there was no such thing as change. Put into modern language, Parmenides believed the universe is the set of all moments at once. The entire history of the universe simply is.

Today we would call this the “eternalist” or “block universe” view—thinking of space and time together as a single four-dimensional collection of events, rather than a three-dimensional world that evolves over time. Besides Parmenides and Einstein, this picture is shared by the Tralfamadorians, an alien race who appear in Kurt Vonnegut’s novel Slaughterhouse-Five. To a being from Tralfamadore, visiting the past is no harder than walking down the street. 

This “timeless” view of the universe goes against our usual thinking. We perceive our lives as unfolding. But it has adherents even in contemporary physics. The laws of nature, as we currently understand them, treat all moments as equally real. No one is picked out as special; the laws simply say how any moment relates to the previous one and to the next."

(Read more: http://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/what-does-happy-new-year-even-really-mean-180953633/#eDAt4kJe2H1oszPk.99
Give the gift of Smithsonian magazine for only $12! http://bit.ly/1cGUiGv
Follow us: @SmithsonianMag on Twitter)

One  moment relates to the previous one and to the next. That feels VERY much like our lives now. Maybe I should mention it is 2:30 in the morning, and  so perhaps I am clouded by weariness, but ironically, when I look at the clock it reads "4:02".  Just proves my point even more!  Time flies as they say.

In any case, 2016 begins with a bang, but not a happy one.
Our beloved Golden Retriever Bailey  suddenly  develops something of a gagging cough ( just a few times a day) and he is just not himself. By the fifth day, I am convinced something is seriously wrong, and he happily trots to the car for a ride to the vet.
The vet wants to do some tests and a chest x ray and sends me on my way.
When the phone rings, I know the news is not good.
It's cancer. The vet says Bailey's chest is full of cancer, and asks for permission to euthanize.
I ask for him to wait until I can return to the clinic to say my goodbyes , and he does.

Cancer.

Have  I mentioned it today ?  I hate cancer ! 
January 5th, 2016. Cancer took him. R.I.P. , Bailey.

This picture was from a brighter Christmas, but it depicts Bailey's character best: 

                      Donations may be made to: Laurel Rancitelli 99 Bowles Park Spfld. MA. 01104

Page 7

2017 UPDATE

You really can’t skip a year on a blog because the backtracking is just too complicated. Suffice it to say, there will be gaps, but I guess a gap here and there in our story, but I suppose it won’t matter much to most.

Where do I begin?

I guess where I left off !

 MABEL aka Maybelline

 Determined to have “ just one more Golden Retriever’ in this lifetime, after losing Bailey, we ended up with Mabel. She was a beautiful Euro Cream colored pup (we didn’t want the reddish one to remind us of our Bailey) and she was quite a handful – mostly for me.  Mr. R. was on pain killers around the clock, and so the care of the puppy was all mine, but he enjoyed her immensely. We just loved her to pieces and she brought as much joy as she brought work into the household. 

Running her in and out all day while trying to seed a new lawn and watering ( along with all of the care and other chores of daily life) became taxing ,and I believed I sprained my ankle, but kept on going. I tried a little OTC ankle brace for a few days, but it didn’t seem to help so it was quickly cast aside.

Suddenly, one day in July 2016, I went to step on the top stairs outside and the left  ankle actually snapped out from under my body causing the other ankle to buckle under me, and I rolled onto my right arm, breaking it in three places (along with the 2 ankles)  I later discovered a I had osteoporosis. UGH.

Laying there waiting for the ambulance. I knew our lives were about to take a turn, and this day, July 12^th 2016 marked something that would make a big change in our lives, and it did.

HEALTHSOUTH

My 17 days in Healthsouth Rehab in Ludlow were like  vacation!  God is very mysterious indeed. As I had been praying for respite and booked a retreat, He had other plans for me.

But what about Michael ?
How could he function at home without me?
My sister to the rescue!

Between visits to Healthsouth, she checked in on him daily, went to the house, called and brought him suppers every day. I got t reports – none of them good, and I called him several times each day and every night before bed. 

Healthsouth was just the R & R that I needed, but coming home to Mike and a 6 month old puppy I was trying to train from a wheelchair proved to be a challenge.  Over time, I realized we just couldn’t keep Mabel, but it would be yet another heartbreak. Michael didn’t understand why he couldn’t just take care of her, but truth be told, most of his days were spent sleeping – from all the pain meds. And Mabel, like all puppies, was a handful and her worst offense was the jumping. The search for a new home was exhaustive.

People with acres of land could not believe I wouldn’t hand her over, but I knew it would be no different than opening my front door and just letting her go.   Mabel did not like to come when called. This was one dog who needed fencing.  Even people with small children were crossed off the list due to the jumping, albeit friendly leaps. I didn’t want any injuries.

Eventually, after a few months, the perfect couple came along. They had no kids ( Large leaping puppies are not a good match for young children) and  one care of their 2 acre lot was solidly fenced. To top it all off, the woman was a dog groomer and experienced in training as well...but they had me at the flowers!

They still email me updates and photos.

Mabel got very lucky,

OCTOBER 2016

As time marched on, Mike had been experiencing some issues which caused him to ask his oncologist about a permanent colostomy.  It seemed the tumor that started on the hip  (2 yrs ago) was wrapping itself around toward the back and weighing on the right kidney and the colon.
The doctor agreed  a colostomy would be a good option for a  better quality of life.

 Just a  few days before the surgery, Mike went into BMC for pre-op tests. The Drs. saw the tumor pressing on the right kidney, and  scans of his bladder showed it was full and quite stretched  yet he had no urge to go to the bathroom.

His oncologist office called us in for a quickie appointment.

The Dr. explained  we had two options: Either go into the hospital several days before his scheduled October 19^th colostomy for ( 2) nephrostomies OR  just after the colostomy.

Mike was nodding his head when I said :” Neither option. We will have Options 3!”
The Dr. looked puzzled and said :” But there is no Option 3”, and I replied :” There is now!” I refused the nephrostomies, and promised we would get his creatinine levels  down.

I just couldn't fathom  Mike having to deal with a colostomy bag and then 2 more bags in the back area near the kidneys plus his pain and dropfoot and everything else. 

I simply set his cell phone alarm @ every 2 hours and told him to go to the bathroom every time it went off. The Drs. told me it wouldn't work, but they tested his blood again before he was discharged from the hospital, and the level was at normal. They sent him home!

It seemed like the colostomy  went well until…

THANKSGIVING 2016

 

Mike started complaining that his stomach hurt, and I chuckled that mine did too - since we both ate too much! (Who doesn’t on Thanksgiving?)
But later that night, I could see he had problems.  The stoma from his colostomy  prolapsed, and was huge, even escaping the bag.  We went to the E.R. and the doctor took sugar ( yep, table sugar)  and water and then 45 minutes to work his stoma back in.

It was a technique I would copy from youtube later when I did it myself – numerous times. The stoma rarely ‘ behaved’ and the colostomy was extraordinarily hard to mange.

Things slowly went downhill from there.

---

The Long and Winding Road ...

On December 3^rd, 2016, Michael began bleeding. It’s a called a G.I. bleed, and has not stopped since.

We were at the E.R. often, me hobbling along with the  ' recovering' ankles and him waiting up to 28 hrs. in the E.R. Nothing could be done about the bleed.

Finally, they sent him home once , and he began to act confused. I sent him right back. They did a CT scan and said there “ might be ‘ a brain bleed.

I requested an MRI which showed very tiny lesions throughout the brain, consistent with metastasis.  His tailbone pain worsened , and I knew there was a tumor threatening his ability to walk every time he called out in pain.

His oncologist recommended hospice.

MERCY HOSPICE

We signed Mike in hospice in December of 2016, and by January things went rapidly downhill.

Some days were  do-able but others were horrible. It seemed bizarre. One day he was hooking up my printer, and sprinting off the floor like  teenager, and the next day he could not hold a cup of coffee without assistance. He would usually lose  control of his motor skills in the morning, and regain some in the afternoon.

But by late January, he suffered many falls. Fortunately, he was never seriously injured.  The E.M.T.’s were great about coming to the house and getting him back in bed.  It was no easy task and usually took two men.  I knew I was in trouble with my bad arm and ankles , but I didn’t want to see him in a Nursing Home.

I was able to snag one fabulous Home Health Aide to help me most mornings. She  got Mike out of bed and he was able to sit in the recliner and watch T.V.  …. But he still needed more.

“THE WEEKEND”

 
  January 21, 2017, seemed as though it could really be the final weekend.

Mike slid off the bed, and needed his brother and my son to lift him back on.  He was in terrible pain at the least little movement. He had a fever , and then was cool and clammy. Most of the time , he made no sense at all. His right leg could not move.

I wanted to call everyone, but I kept asking myself :” Could this continue, and if so, for how long ?”  I just wasn’t sure.

Trying to move him was akin to rolling  a large boulder uphill. It seemed impossible.

Sunday into Monday he had a constant fever despite medication and had not eaten in three days.

By Monday. I called my kids and grandkids and had them say goodbye to him via telephone. I  continued to dose him with acetaminophen for the fever and all of his usual pain meds.

On Monday morning, his new home health aide arrived, and I thought sure she would want to quit. Instead , she came right in and took charge. She even got Michael to shave a few minutes and eat 2 crackers, and have  drink. She was a miracle worker! It seemed as though he was  back with me -   at least for now.


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